Going To The Movies, Gonna Eat Me A Lot Of Popcorn

On this weeks episode of People Who Suck, we will discuss those who do their sucking at the movies. I went out to see a movie(The Invisible) over the weekend as I am want to do. I don't have much to say about the film, it was somewhat interesting, the concept was nice, but I hated some of the characters and there was some lameness throughout. Also I thought it was odd that there was a "scene" in all the commercials for the movie that both I and my girlfriend are 99% sure was not in the movie.

Back to the suck. A lot of this boils down to talking during the film. Now I'm not a total dick, I know you want to do more than just sit there with a blank stare gazing up at the movie screen for two hours. Some minor interaction with your friends, compatriots, lovers is perfectly acceptable. But there are limits, I'm sure I crossed a bunch of them when I was in high school and going out to see films with my friends and causing a ruckus. I regret my rambunctiousness to a degree and while it might aggravate me when it happens, I feel a bit hypocritical when I do.

People who have to explain things in the movie suck. I don't know if they are telling their friend because they think he/she is too dumb to figure it out. Maybe they just cant process their thought without their mouths moving and they just naturally force the air out to speak it. It always happens during the simplest most easy to understand scenes too, where the director is just forcing the explanation down your throat to the point where no one over the age of 7.166666 repeating should have trouble understanding it. Just shut up!

Idiots suck all the time, but at the movie theater they suck even more. They also seem to congregate and are possibly contagious. In this movie, one of the characters was wearing a t-shirt that said "Gluten Free" 3 women sitting near me kept tittering about his Glutton Free t-shirt. Another time, I was seeing the movie High Fidelity and I swear whenever a scene came on and both Joan and John Cusack were in the same room, people would break out with whispers of "It's his sister!!!"

Other people who are at the movies full of suckishness is those who horribly violently react to jump scenes. I understand it was totally intended to shock you so jolt a little, shake and tremble, take a quick inhalation of breath or scream slightly if you must. But when you jump 2 feet out of you chair with such speed and voracity that I sitting next to you get more freaked out by you than the movie then I have a problem with you.

In short try not to suck at the movies. Sit back and enjoy the movie, talk to your friends quietly and try and be funny like the guys from MST3K before Joel left. Either that or just make out with your significant other, I can watch that too.