To the best of my knowledge, discounting any possible early encounters at an age so young, my first experience with Iced Tea was in college. No one in my family really drinks the stuff, though I don't believe they share my particular revulsion. So one day freshman year I reached into the fridge to grab a pitcher. A pitcher I believed to be filled with the Kool-Aid I had made the day before. So I poured a quick glass and raised the cool beverage to my lips and took a swig. That proved a costly error. Instantly I gagged and spit the filth from my mouth. I loudly expressed my horror, confusion and shock with a colorful string of less than clean language. One of my roommates came to at least help with the confusion, explaining they had finished off my tasty fruity sugary beverage and refilled the pitched with "nice cool refreshing Iced Tea". Armed with that knowledge and my initial reaction I swore off the stuff.
So at a restaurant the other night, my girlfriend orders herself some unsweetened Iced Tea, squeezes the lemon into it and adds some Equal. I had informed her once before that I did not drink Iced Tea and my virgin Iced Tea encounter. She found it odd because she didn't know anyone who only had Tea once and hated it. She contended that maybe it was just crappy store bought lame Iced Tea, where as what she had in her glass was spectacularly yummy. I foolishly slowly let myself be convinced to take a sip, even arguing with myself that perhaps my distaste originally had been so prominent due to expecting the Kool-Aid. So I reached for her glass and wrapped my lips around the straw. I sucked. A horrible horrible taste entered my mouth. I cringed and started looking around for somewhere to spit it out without making a scene. I found nothing and was forced to swallow. I gagged and nearly heaved twice. I got tears in my eyes and an unforgivable nauseous aftertaste in my mouth that lasted for several minutes, nearly ruining my appetite.
Conclusion: I hate Iced Tea. In my humble opinion it's the worst beverage ever. I hate it even more than Beer, and I cannot stand beer at all. I think I've gotten bong water in my mouth that didn't taste as bad as Iced Tea. I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that I shall never drink said product again, and I would expect it also highly unlikely that I ever dare attempt to try tea of a non iced variety.
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3 comments:
So, no eggs and no tea...what planet are you from, because I'm forced to believe you're not human.
Have you tried southern style sweet tea? The Harris Teeter brand jug is a bit foul, but you might enjoy the real stuff should you venture south of the border. Everyone I know who drinks normal tea can't stand the stuff. It's basically sugar water. Mmm.
Iced Tea is like coffee: You need to start out with a good "Gateway Tea," formulated to your tastes. Then eventually, you'll find yourself able to go to a restaurant and drink half a glass of Brand X weed-flavored-syrup tea before you say "Wait. Why the fuck am I drinking this shit?"
Well, I guess you don't *need* to. For now, there are plenty of cool, refreshing (and caffeine-laced) drinks for you to enjoy. But those drinks will be banned by the state when the south rises again. (Currently slated to coincide with the Great Zombie Uprising of 2012.)
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